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Morning-Shower Phobia

03 Jan

Arachnophobia, claustrophobia, xenophobia. There are phobias for just about everything. I, thankfully, suffer from none of them. Well I’m not big on heights and you don’t want to see me around ketchup and iced tea. But other than that, I am just short of normal.

I took a self-imposed break from blogging though I continued commenting on other people’s blogs. Anyway, the break from blogging coincided with my break at school. Movies, Chuck E. Cheese, a visit to mom, editing of my novella, a staycation with my wife only, and sleeping in till 8:00 (yes, that is a big thing in my house) were just some of the highlights from my break. Of course, I found some time for self-loathing and questioning of my direction. However, the best part was not setting the alarm and moving at a different pace.
On Tuesday night, I had my clothes out, lunch made, lesson plans prepared, etc. I had psyched myself up and was ready to return to work. Then, I made a terrible mistake. I checked weather.com. The site said it would feel like 9 degrees at 6 a.m. That is the time at which I am standing on a street corner praying for the bus to come. My heart sank as my resolve froze. Uggh. I added a pair of long johns to my pile of clothes.
Wednesday morning came, and I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom for my shower. You see, there are two types of people in this world: “shower-before-bed” people and “shower-in-the-morning” people. I happen to be the latter. Thus my shower serves a dual purpose: a clean start and a wake-up call.
I looked at the shower and had reservations. Let me tell you about our shower, and you will understand. It takes a couple of minutes for the water to warm up. Once it does warm up, it can be scalding. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, why don’t you just balance the hot and cold knobs so the water will come out at a temperature you are happy with. Sounds logical. However, my shower is not logical. The knobs are inconsistent, so I never know where to turn them to in order to get a comfortable temperature.
As I have mentioned many times, I often lack patience. So, sometimes in my rush to warm up the water, I turn the hot up too far. It will be a comfortable temperature when I get in and suddenly the water will be scalding. Then, I will turn the hot water down and pump up the cold water and a minute later, the water is freezing.

I have little tolerance for extreme temperatures. So, I spend half the shower jumping away from the water. I jump so often in the shower that it could be a new kind of exercise. You have zumba, pilates, and shower dance (sounds like it should be way more erotic than it actually is). This drastic change in temperature makes washing my private parts an act of faith. So, one minute, I’m burnt like a beach bum and the next minute, I’m frozen ala Walt Disney.

Then, you have water pressure. Well, you may have water pressure, but my shower sure doesn’t. Give my two cups of water and an hour, and I can generate more pressure than my shower.

So now, I have made a change. I am no longer a daytime shower person. It is too scary in that shower on cold winter mornings. In fact, you could say that I have a fear or phobia of my shower. There’s got to be a name for morning-shower phobia.

 
49 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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49 responses to “Morning-Shower Phobia

  1. Joyce

    January 3, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    Welcome back to work, Jersey. Your break sounds so much like mine that I’m now getting homesick. It was nice to sit and play with my children and not think about a single thing except playing with my children. And one morning I slept until the sinful time of 8:30.

    I don’t think you need a different shower time, I think you just need a plumber! Or have you tried that?

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 3, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      8:30 – wow, you were living the high life.
      I have to ask someone to take a look at it. Budget is kind of limited though. I should Google it and see if it is so complicated.

       
  2. Jessie Clemence

    January 3, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    How old is your house? It sounds like bathing on the prairie in a big tin tub would have been easier!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 3, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      Remember those Irish Spring commercials where someone showering in the middle of a forrest?
      P.S. I tried to comment on your blog but did not see an area where I could comment.

       
  3. Laura

    January 3, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    We do the shower dance here too. My son is entertaining to see dancing in and out, because he is intolerable of the extremes as well. “Mama, it’s too hot!!” or “HOLY cow, that’s COLD!” Shower knobs are fickle things, that’s for sure.

     
  4. penneyfox

    January 3, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    Welcome back to the blog world! I agree with Joyce – I’d call a plumber so you can keep your morning schedule.

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 4, 2013 at 3:24 am

      It’ll happen or maybe I will just hibernate till Spring.

       
      • penneyfox

        January 4, 2013 at 2:14 pm

        Hibernating could be the best option. I hear you’re having some cold weather up there so just avoid the world, read and write blogs and take a shower when you can get the temp just right :)

         
        • memyselfandkids

          January 4, 2013 at 2:53 pm

          If only. YOu see we also have bills up here. Damn them!

           
          • penneyfox

            January 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm

            Oh yeah … that’s right … I’m guessing you don’t even want to hear about my weather down here. This is the time of year where I’m glad I live in Florida :)

             
          • memyselfandkids

            January 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm

            You’re right. I have notified my wife multiple times that I am the retiring to Florida type.

             
  5. elskenewman

    January 3, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    I would fix the shower, not change the shower schedule!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 3, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      We have to look into it. By that I mean, how much money is it?

       
  6. my27stars

    January 3, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Maybe just turn down your water heater? That way you can just keep the knob toward the hot end, never have to freeze, and the hottest it can get would be less than scalding? Either that or practice that patience bit and let the water run for a few minutes before you jump in, feeling, adjusting, then waiting to see the full extent of the adjustment before making a decision of getting in or adjusting again. :)

     
  7. motherhoodisanart

    January 3, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Oh that is too funny! With the cold weather here the “hot” on our shower wasn’t hot enough for me…I just had my husband go turn up the heat on the water heater the other day! I loved your reference to Walt! Also, I think we need to hear more about this ketchup and iced tea thing!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 4, 2013 at 3:26 am

      I am glad the post made you laugh. I was dfeinitely going for funny here.
      Maybe, I will touch on those weird issues.

       
  8. insanityofmotherhood

    January 4, 2013 at 12:26 am

    At our house we are all morning shower people. The first person gets a relaxing, hot shower. The rest of us suffer and yell at the first guy for taking too long.

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 4, 2013 at 3:27 am

      Bummer man. I am surprised it has not turned one of you into before you go to bed shower people.

       
  9. lexiesnana

    January 4, 2013 at 1:06 am

    Sounds like our shower upstairs.Sometimes I flush the toilet when my hubby is in it just to hear the Dance and singing and swearing.Too funny.

     
  10. crankygiraffe

    January 4, 2013 at 3:57 am

    I love my shower. It is fantastic. I also live in a brand new house, so that probably helps. I am glad that you’re back! Thanks for commenting on your hiatus!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 4, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      Are you trying to gloat?
      Thanks for missing me.

       
  11. lifewithpinkprincesses

    January 4, 2013 at 9:17 am

    My mum has a shower that sounds exactly like yours. Since our unfortunate situation of having to move back there I’ve stayed away from the shower and opt for a bath. Every morning. Which does the opposite to waking you up!! I miss our power shower :'(

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 4, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Oh wow on 2 fronts! Moving back in with your mom and a crappy shower. Screw it – enjoy that bath!

       
  12. ateachablemom

    January 5, 2013 at 3:45 am

    This is fantastic! I’m laughing at the idea of your shower dance as exercise – so funny! And water pressure. Ugh! I lived in an apartment for too many years without decent water pressure. I can’t take extreme temps either and mushy water pressure sends me, especially that early in the morning. I don’t have any suggestions, but I feel your pain. Happy you’re back! Great post!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 6, 2013 at 4:08 am

      Glad it made you laugh. That was definitely the goal.
      Thanks for the welcome back.

       
  13. jaymers

    January 5, 2013 at 6:41 am

    That sounds like such a fun and interesting way to begin your day, why on earth would you want to give it up? Look at the material you gained for this post–fabulous!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 6, 2013 at 4:08 am

      Yeah, sure real fun. Wise guy! Cha, cha, cha.
      Thanks for the comments.

       
  14. Raani York

    January 6, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Thanks a lot for making me chuckle… I am actually suffering from arachnophobia …
    But I would STRONGLY recommend you to find a Latin word for “morning-shower” – otherwise it doesn’t really count as a serious medical phobia, I think.
    LOOOOOL

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 7, 2013 at 12:27 am

      I’m glad it made you laugh. That was my goal.
      A good name for it would help. I agree.

       
  15. now at home mom

    January 7, 2013 at 6:33 am

    ha!ha! can’t believe I missed this post in my e-mails ??? too funny ; “This drastic change in temperature makes washing my private parts an act of faith. So, one minute, I’m burnt like a beach bum and the next minute, I’m frozen ala Walt Disney.” , :-) ha!ha! :-) we have some issues with ours too, we have been told we need to renovate our entire bathroom within the next 6 months or we might have problems with our new renovated kitchen , ha! yeah right! how and how much and with what money? so, I guess like you we should change our shower schedule ;-)

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 7, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      Cool. I am so glad it made you laugh. It was definitely my intetion to make people laugh.
      If you can find the money tree to make everything happen, I would greatly appreciate you letting me know where to look.

       
  16. patgarcia

    January 7, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Hi,
    I have just read this and am still laughing!!! You did a great job on writing this. I can see you in the shower still doing your shower dance! Your sense of humour comes out in this article, and it provided me with a great laugh that I needed.

    I also like the fact that you took a break away from blogging. One of the reasons that I don’t write a blog article for all of my blogs every week is because I want an added freshness that comes from creativity and this only comes, in my opinion, when you are rested.

    So great job. I love it when you take a break. This article is excellent writing.
    Ciao,
    Patricia

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 7, 2013 at 1:20 pm

      I am so glad it made you laugh. That was my intention. I love to make people laugh. Many people wanted to give me advice. I know I need to get in touch with plumber. However, can’t we just laugh about it now?

       
  17. bjklinetobe

    January 7, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    At this point, I think you should start taking showers at your neighbors…you might have better luck. I’m trying to figure our where you live because 9 degrees isn’t that cold…if you live Roger Pass, Montana!!

    GO DADS!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 8, 2013 at 2:34 am

      I’m not quite that close with the neighbors. Any relationship would certainly be gone if I showed up at 5:30 in the morning.
      I live in North Jersey.

       
  18. Te'ena

    January 7, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    This post made me laugh out loud! So funny! And something I think everyone can relate to, even if not on a daily basis! Thanks for the laugh!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 8, 2013 at 2:36 am

      I’m glad it made you laugh. That was definitely my goal. My pleasure.

       
  19. Karron

    January 8, 2013 at 2:51 am

    Snork . . . try showering in off the beat path places like, oh, England.

     
  20. shittydad

    January 11, 2013 at 6:16 am

    Shower in the morning rule!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 11, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      Things have changed in my life. The crazy temperatures are not worth it.

       
  21. niteingale

    January 22, 2013 at 6:34 am

    you should put little markers where to turn each knob once you get a proper consistency… just a permanent marker and draw a little happy face so you know where to stop.
    :)

     
    • memyselfandkids

      January 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      If only it was consistent. The first time it did not work, that smiley face would look like it is laughing at me. I’d be muttering and cursing through the shower.

       
  22. Eleenie

    February 18, 2013 at 1:20 am

    I know that dance well, we do it here too!

     
    • memyselfandkids.com

      February 18, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      Maybe it could take its place right up there with the Electric Slide and Jitterbug. It’s a new era.

       

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