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Slow Down and Bond

27 Feb

I lost my son. I don’t mean metaphorically. I mean I literally lost my son.   He was in one place at one moment and was not there a few moments later. This was very upsetting in a multitude of ways.

On Friday afternoon, I went to my nearly 8 year old son’s school to pick him up.  He sees this as a treat – apparently, he is not a big fan of the school bus.  In fact when he gets off the bus, he typically runs to the house as if staying on the bus might mean more homework. Anyway, I figured since I had the day off, I would pick him up which would give us an opportunity to bond. At least, that is what I imagined.  We would run errands and talk along the way. Efficient and useful bonding time.

When pick-up time rolled around, I was in a rush. Too much to do and too little time – the usual story.  So, rather than casually going about the errands, we instead would be rushing. Still, I was optimistic for our chances to bond. The first two errands went well – we were in and out of the bank and dry cleaners quickly and painlessly.  No lines – my version of heaven.  We actually slapped hands after each errand – we were sharing the joy of efficiency. My son was truly getting something from our time together.

Our last errand entailed dropping movies off at the library.  Now, the tricky part of this errand would be getting back home. You see there is a left hand turn you have to make to head back in the direction of our house which requires much patience and ultimately a daring do that would make James Bond hesitate.   Much time would have been needed between parking the car and having to make the turn. So, I decided to send my son to drop the movies into the slot. Before sending him off to do the errand on his own, I asked him multiple times if he knew where the slot was. He kept saying yes in that way that children can which makes you feel like you are asking a ludicrous question.  I then told him, “Meet me here. I’ll be here. I just have to turn the car around. Do you understand? Right here.  Just come back here.” More bored shakes of the head. The whole errand should have taken less than a minute.  When 3 minutes slowly ticked by … where is he, what the hell is up with him, oh come on, where did he go, he said he knew where to go … I parked the car while trying not to panic. I ran into the library and was told no one saw anyone fitting his description. I was in front of the library with nearly 10 minutes past since I dropped him off.  I thought of that movie Ransom, I thought about going to the police station which was across the street, and I thought about calling my wife.  I was freaking out and turning my head around furiously like a merry-go-round when a man poked his head out of a car and said, “Are you looking for a little boy? He’s up the block.” I ran while alternating my mutterings between: I am going to kill him, thank G-d, and what was I thinking?  After finally catching up to my son (I ran up two other blocks before finding the one the man was referring to), I grabbed his hand and tried to remain patient. I wanted to give him a lecture, but settled for I was really nervous, why didn’t you come back to where we talked about, and you have to listen. Okay, so I gave a brief lecture. Who wouldn’t?

As we rode home together and my heart beat slowed to its regular pace, I peeked at my son in the rearview mirror.  I came to two understandings.  Firstly, I was not going to tell my wife about this. The second understanding was that though he is big brother it does not mean he is necessarily responsible.  Rushing and bonding don’t go together.

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14 Comments

Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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14 responses to “Slow Down and Bond

  1. Sara

    February 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    I

     
  2. Sara

    February 27, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I think my comment will play much better live…..

     
  3. James Kaliway

    February 28, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Kids never listen. The trick is grabbing both sides of their face – gently, mind you – such that your arms create two parallel lines between their eyes and yours, forcing eye contact to be made. Then, and only then, may you issue the command with 100% confidence in their comprehension. 😛

     
    • memyselfandkids

      February 28, 2012 at 1:39 am

      Interesting technique. I know eye contact definitely helps.

       
      • James Kaliway

        February 28, 2012 at 1:45 am

        Yep, just a suggestion; I’m hardly one to be giving parenting advice haha. Probably best not to do it in public though lol people might start thinking you’re a Homer Simpson dad 😛

         
  4. patgarcia

    February 28, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Hi,

    I read your blog this morning and really enjoyed it. It is so nice that you have the chance to undo some of those things that you may have taken for granted, like spending bonding time with your son.

    When my parents were living, I visited them every year for four weeks because I live in Europe. Those four weeks were their time and we did everything together. When they died, I realized how precious that time was, and when I think of them I pull out precious memories of those great years we had together during that four weeks.

    This is a great post and I enjoyed it. It has your heart in it and it touched my heart.
    Ciao,
    Patricia

     
    • memyselfandkids

      February 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      I appreciate your reply very much! Thanks for sharing your story with me. The impact we have on our children and grandchildren is so special, and we have to keep that in mind all the time.

       
  5. Chel

    March 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    I understand how you feel. While I have not lost my kid (yet and hopefully not ever), years ago I was baby-sitting my nephew. He was four and we went to a fast food joint. We got separated by a group of people who were exiting while we were going in. I headed straight into the counter and I thought that my cousin had him and vice versa. So when we realized that my nephew is not with either of us, panic set in.
    We found him pacing near the car in the parking lot a few minutes later but those were the most agonizing 8 minutes of my life. My brother would’ve killed me if I hadn’t killed myself first.
    There’s always a lesson learned for scenarios like this.

     
    • memyselfandkids

      March 8, 2012 at 2:40 am

      I’m glad your nephew was fine and hope you never have to go through anything like that with your own child.

       
  6. moonsprig

    March 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Oh my goodness. I am right there with you… the bored head shakes with the look from my kid. Then the waiting and waiting wondering where could she be? What is she doing? It seems like every time I send my oldest child off to do something responsible, it at least, takes much longer. I have never had her go off up the block though. So glad you found him!! This was a fun read, very engaging!

     
    • memyselfandkids

      March 16, 2012 at 8:16 pm

      Thanks for reading.
      It is so frustrating when they appear to be listening but are not!

       
      • moonsprig

        March 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm

        Yup! Yet, I know they listen often, when I think they are not. Big ears!!
        And, your welcome! Wishing you a fun weekend…

         
        • memyselfandkids

          March 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm

          Big ears -I like that.
          A nice weekend to you as well.

           

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