Gross: Read with Caution

27 Jul

I’ve said this before. My boys have bad aim. I don’t mean in darts. I don’t mean at a shooting range. I don’t mean at bowling. I think you know what I mean. My wife blames me. The woman who takes responsibility for everything refuses to touch this one. “They’re boys – you’re supposed to teach them,” she lectures me.

“It’s not my fault,” I try to plead.

But she ain’t hearing any of that. “Well, you need to figure something out, because I am sick of this.” “This” is a smelly, soggy bathroom. Seriously, when one of my boys has to pee in the middle of the night, it is ugly. I imagine turning on the light when they are going and it being like rookie firemen trying to control a hose for the first time. Seriously. Anyway, walking into the bathroom the next morning – I can understand what Washington went through when he forged the Delaware.

I’ve tried yelling at them. “This is disgusting. It smells in here. Don’t you smell it?”

I’ve tried cajoling them through reason. “This is our house. You have to care about our house. Don’t you want you our house to smell nice?”

I’ve tried forcing them to do all the clean up. “Bend down and wipe this up!”

Nothing has worked!

Maybe, it is time to be evil. They love Apple Juice. This could be a mixer. Naah, who am I kidding? That is too disgusting. Besides, I’m not that evil.

Truth is I got nothing. I guess at this point I am putting it in the category of they will do better as they get older.

However, I look to you dear reader. Can you please help me with your suggestions? In the meantime, I will keep buying Renuzit in bulk.


Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Uncategorized


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72 responses to “Gross: Read with Caution

  1. Books & Art - Spirit & Soul

    July 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Yes – everyone needs to start sitting. Sitting also keeps the toilet seat down in order to avoid the other thing that pisses people off (intended) The End. Standing is for emergencies in the forest. 😀 You are very welcome.

  2. sweetpea2200

    July 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    My Grandma made of the boys even my Papa (all through Papa probably did really) sitting. Fixed their aim quickly.

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      till what age?

      • sweetpea2200

        July 27, 2012 at 6:25 pm

        No, they would potty trained to stand and then the older they got the worse their aim became so she made them start sitting. Their ages ranged as they were grandkids but they were over four to around tenish. Grandma meant business then she was mad, and I do not believe it could more than a few weeks to break that habit and then one by one they got their standing privileges back.

  3. linneann

    July 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Yes, sitting is a good idea. They are still developing their motor skills. Interesting post. 🙂

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      I wanted humor. Need to be light sometimes.
      When can they finally get up?

      • linneann

        July 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

        I don’t know. I have two boys but for the life of me, I don’t have a clue. LOL! Good luck, though.

        • memyselfandkids

          July 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

          You are not giving me much hope. Uh-oh.
          LOL is right.

          • linneann

            July 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm

            All I know is “this too shall pass.” Erik wasn’t even potty trained till he was seven. I didn’t think he was ever going to learn. Now it’s 11 years past. That should give you some hope. 🙂

          • memyselfandkids

            July 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

            Thanks for sharing. Keep hope alive.

          • linneann

            July 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

            Always. 🙂 And laughter.

  4. elskenewman

    July 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Ha ha, sitting is definately the way forward. This might cheer you up though, a friend of mine has a 3 year old boy who has been aiming at the bathroom wall, washing basket, door and bath because he wants to pee like daddy (although I’m pretty sure he doesn’t pee up the bathroomwall) so at least yours are trying for the actual toilet 🙂

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

      That is too funny!!!!
      Again sitting – all are saying that. Till when?
      I guess you all are right.

  5. Nancy

    July 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    I haven’t started potty training my boy yet (not really), but I heard of a neat trick to get him to aim at the bowl. Drop a Cheerio or two into the bowl before they pee. (For night time trips to the bathroom, you’ll have to do it before you go to bed I guess, assuming you don’t get up with your boys at night). So, when they go pee, tell them to aim for the hole in the Cheerio. Apparently, it works. Good luck! And thanks for the laugh. Your post was hilarious!

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

      I heard of the Cheerio thing. My boys should be past that (5.5 &8) – don’t you think? Truthfully, I have no idea.
      I am so glad it made you laugh. That was my goal. Need to go light sometimes.

      • Nancy

        July 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

        Are you kidding? My husband (36) is not past that! LOL! Mind you, I think he does it for the challenge more than the need for aim.

        • memyselfandkids

          July 27, 2012 at 6:04 pm

          That is LOL.
          Maybe this would have been a good fopic for our guest blogs last week. Or maybe not.

  6. Jessie Clemence

    July 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    I feel your pain. I just feel your pain very, very deeply. I stared at my bathroom awhile this morning, trying to figure out what Wal Mart can sell me that will make this daily problem less heinous. And we’ve even trained him to clean up after himself and aim better. This IS better than it was.

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

      All I can is I am sorry for you too my fellow blogger.

  7. on thehomefrontandbeyond

    July 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    not that I really know much about this–but I have read that you should put something in the bowl they can aim at

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      I’ve heard of that. Maybe, I am naive but I thought that was only good for children who are being potty trained. My boys are 5.5 and 8. Who knows – maybe they need a refresher.

  8. semiblind

    July 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    My grandmother taught my dad to be accurate by taking him outside and having him “pee on the posey.”

  9. Sis

    July 27, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    a posey is a flower.

    • memyselfandkids

      July 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      Like the pocket full of posey. I’ll have to look it up.

      • semiblind

        July 27, 2012 at 10:40 pm

        I guess my dad liked to pee outside, on a flower. He still seems to go outside when he gets the chance… If you live in a city, this could be trouble…

        • memyselfandkids

          July 29, 2012 at 2:45 am

          Funny. I think my older likes peeing outside too. Water the grass, more freeing. Come to think of it, who would not like that?

  10. Lisa

    July 28, 2012 at 12:58 am

    You’d think at 5.5 and 8 they’d be better aims but my 8yo is hopeless! Perhaps a ping pong ball to aim for – boys need something to focus on.

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:46 am

      You would think they would be better. Focus is the key – it seems we say that word around here alot.

  11. butmostlymommy

    July 28, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    I don’t know, I’ve had worse luck with sitting–it goes out between the seat and the toilet rim. (Unless he sits backward, but for that he has to strip down.) And I don’t dare take my kid out back to pee lest he decide it’s a more fun location to take care of business. I’d say you need a taller toilet. We have chair-height toilets, and the height means that he has to be REALLY sloppy to get it elsewhere, since he just clears the rim on his tippytoes. (He also puts his thighs right up against the rim, which I think helps, since that adds one less direction to err.) I feel (or smell) your pain, though…

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:34 am

      Taller toilet – I have not heard that one. Interesting. It makes sense but I am not sure that it’s a plumbing reality.

      • butmostlymommy

        July 29, 2012 at 3:01 am

        They’re not that expensive (well, depending what you get), and they fit onto the same pipes as any other! It might be worth it for the peace of nose (and marital harmony)! 🙂

  12. peters154

    July 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I’m trying a single sheet of toilet paper placed in the toilet. Then my 3 year old can be a fighter pilot trying to sink the battleship

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:36 am

      That’s hilarious – love your creativity!

      • peters154

        July 31, 2012 at 12:45 am

        That’s actually something my grandfather had me do when I was a kid myself! So I guess I’m continuing a family tradition now!

  13. Raani York

    July 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    I laughed loudly when I read that. I heard a friend of mine had that problem too. She did buy a so called (free translation) – “Toilet toy for big and small boys” and placed it in her bathroom.
    I was laughing my butt off, when I saw it. It looked like the “goal” of a soccer match. With the soccer ball hanging from the top. And believe it or not – EVERY man going to that bathroom is standing there trying to “hit” the soccer ball in the middle – and it’s guaranteed, the pee goes where it belongs. LOL
    From what I heard she strongly recommended this!

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:37 am

      Interesting. It sounds like worthy purchase.
      Glad it made you laugh – that was my hope.

  14. kebibarra

    July 29, 2012 at 1:35 am

    A rookie fireman trying to control their hose! Lol I love it.

  15. ateachablemom

    July 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

    So funny! I’ll ask my husband for his suggestions. And then could you teach, cajole, force, yell at him to put the seat down? Thank you.

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:38 am

      Glad it made you laugh. I look forward to your husband’s suggestion.
      Did you get my email?

  16. livenowandzen

    July 29, 2012 at 3:37 am

    I broke down and made my boys start cleaning their own bathroom about a year ago. Hasn’t helped their aim, but at least I don’t have to deal with it. Perhaps I will make them sit. That ought to embarrass them into better aim. 😉

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      I would love to have them clean it themselves but they are a bit young for that. Even making them wipe up can be frustrating as they do it slowly and not particularly effectively.

      • livenowandzen

        July 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm

        I agree that waiting for them to clean it up is better. I bought rubber gloves so I don’t freak out while cleaning in the meantime. 😉

  17. insanityofmotherhood

    July 29, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    There is nothing you can do. Three boys and I have no advice. Nagging works sometimes, but keep in mind your boys have friends. None of them will have your training to ‘focus and aim’. Keep a thing of wipes in the bathroom for clean up. Not for the boys, but for your and your wife. Welcome to boyhood parenting!

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 5:24 pm

      You are not giving me a sense of hope. Unfortunately, I think you are probably right. We have wipes in the bathroom and go through plenty of them.

  18. closefamilies

    July 29, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Oh goodness, I’ve been blessed with a boy with good aim, I guess. (knocking on wood!!) I’m the only one who ever cleans the bathrooms, and its never really been gross! Although he does sleepwalk at times and try to pee in odd places… Like on the front door, and standing on the stool at the bathroom sink…but I used to be a sleepwalker too, so i can’t even blame my hubs for that one! 🙂 Good luck!!!

    • memyselfandkids

      July 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

      I’m glad for his aim.
      Sleepwalking – wow, that’s a whole other issue. Do you grow out of that?

      • closefamilies

        July 31, 2012 at 4:11 pm

        I grew out of it. Hoping he does too! I remember falling asleep in bed and waking up on the couch a few times when I was a kid. Oh, and I also sleep-walked into the living room, pulled down my pjs and peed on the living room floor… Right in front of both parents… When I was about 3YO. Interesting, huh? But I haven’t done it since elementary school age…. As far as I know.

        • memyselfandkids

          July 31, 2012 at 4:26 pm

          Thanks so much for sharing. It is interesting. I’m glad for your sake that it has passed.

  19. triciajayne

    August 1, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I solved this problem with my husband! A study proved that giving grown men something to aim on improved toilet cleanliness by 60% at airports.

  20. theroommom

    August 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I am a little late to the game but laughed when I read this. My son sat until he went to school and started copying older boys in the restroom. I didn’t have to say much about it. You can also throw Cheerios in the toilet to encourage target practice. In the meantime, buy Nature’s Miracle at the pet store. It’s to clean and de-smell pet urine, but it works well for humans too (and can be used fro vomit but that may be TMI).

    • memyselfandkids

      August 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      I’m glad it made you laugh – definitely was my goal.


    August 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I have a new appreciation for the two boys in my home and my husband who aim well the majority of the time. Dare I say it? They also remember to put the seat down most of the time.

    • memyselfandkids

      August 23, 2012 at 5:27 pm

      I think you should patten the method you used to get your boys to be straight shooters.

  22. chris9911

    August 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    no more TV, Transformers, legos, etc till house smells better!

    • memyselfandkids

      August 24, 2012 at 8:21 pm

      Tv, Legos – that’s hitting them where it hurts.

      • chris9911

        August 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm

        gotta do it, brother!
        I got so sick of stepping on their small toys on the floor after repeated warnings. I threw away every single toy that was on the floor while they were crying and in hysteria. Once the trash man came and sealed the fate of all their favorite toys, my boys never doubted my intention ever again…lol

        • memyselfandkids

          August 24, 2012 at 10:42 pm

          Wow, you are a bad ass! Good for you.

          • chris9911

            August 24, 2012 at 11:28 pm

            I don’t know which toy I stepped on that day, but bottom center of my foot was bleeding pretty bad.

      • aromaofgod

        August 25, 2012 at 4:02 am

        My boys have a bit of perfectionist in them- it could be personality


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