Poison for All

12 Oct

I reach home before my wife three days a week. On these three days, I make dinner for my family. As I have mentioned before, I am not a cook but a preparer. I can defrost, boil, and throw food into the oven with the best of them. In addition, my use of kitchen utensils ends at the strainer. So, yes, I keep it simple.

My children are particular eaters (I know many of you are shaking your head thinking, “I know just what you mean, buddy”). They have a few foods that they like to eat (luckily, they enjoy fruit) and are content as long as we stick to their tastes. Fortunately, their limited tastes match up with my limited skills. This symbiotic relationship is probably not a coincidence.

Tonight was one of my nights to prepare dinner. I decided to make eggs. Both boys like eggs, and they are always happy to eat them. Before BR went off to karate, I told him we would be having eggs for dinner tonight. He requested I put bacon bits in the eggs. He would put bacon bits in just about every food, so his request was not a surprise. For SJ, however, bacon bits have not secured a place in his limted diet. I had three options: make two helpings – one with bacon bits and one without, deny BR’s request, or take my chance that SJ would adjust. I decided to go with option number three, hoping I could sneak the little red flakes past my fussy eater.

When BR took his plate, he said, “Hey where are the bacon bits?”

“They’re in there. Just don’t tell SJ, or he won’t eat them.”

“Oh yeah, there they are. Okay.”

SJ had taken his plate first. He started with his bagel. With the bagel eaten, he was on to his eggs (why he can’t eat two things at once is beyond me, and I leave it as one of the great unanswered questions). He finished his first bite of eggs while watching Spongebob and said nothing. Bless that yellow sea creature. With his helpful distraction, SJ was becoming flexible.

Then, the serenity was broken. “Hey what are these red things?”

I tried to ignore him.

“What are they?” he repeated.

“It’s nothing. Just eat em.”

“What is it?”

“It’s poison. You have some, BR has some, mom will have some, and I have some.”

And we will all go down together.

“He’s kidding. You’re kidding daddy. Daddy’s kidding.” BR was convinced.

“No, I’m not. Now, just eat. Look, I’m eating.”

A moment passed and SJ informed me, “I don’t like poison.”

Uggh, sigh. I told you my kids were picky.



Posted by on October 12, 2012 in Uncategorized


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31 responses to “Poison for All

  1. cookiemomma

    October 12, 2012 at 2:55 am

    My kids would have foaled 911! Lol

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 3:01 am

      They are tough ones.

      • cookiemomma

        October 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

        That was supposed to say *called not foaled* lol I was using my not so smart smartphone and have no idea how that word ended up there..:)

        • memyselfandkids

          October 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

          I hate when I screw up on the phone. Annoying. Anyway, I figured it out – cracked the code.

  2. Nancy

    October 12, 2012 at 3:11 am

    LOL! Nice try! If your kids are anything like mine, you can’t sneak ANYTHING past them. You get an A for effort though. 😉

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 3:16 am

      I appreciate the grade.
      The little one in particular does not let anything get by him in terms of food.

  3. Karron

    October 12, 2012 at 4:27 am

    It is nice that you cater to their likes. I never have done that. I cook, you eat. Don’t like it, and you are old enough to fix your own meal, have at it. If not, get your Dad to nuke something for you in the microwave. Fortunately, my kids loved just about anything as long as it was not out of a box. Also, fortunately, I am one of those cooks that hates making things out of a box. And, I always make a double meal and freeze half of it for one of those days when I get too busy to cook a meal from scratch. Doesn’t happen often now. And my boys are long grown. Crystal and her partner do a lot of the cooking these days, and now I get to eat what someone else cooks, like it or not.

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

      You see though – I don’t really cook. In addition, they are not yet at that point where they can do it on their own. My mom used to let us eat cereal if we were not happy with what was for dinner. My brother ate Captain Crunch all the time!

  4. dreamshadow59

    October 12, 2012 at 4:41 am

    This was funny…Made me laugh out loud…

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

      I found his reaction funny also.

  5. motherhoodisanart

    October 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Candy….I have been known to cook with candy before…”wink, wink.” They may think it looks like green peppers but it’s really just candy I slipped in for a surprise!!! LOL!!

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

      Did that work? If so, for what age?
      I am not above lying.

      • motherhoodisanart

        October 12, 2012 at 12:15 pm

        My five year old still falls for it! My seven year old no longer needs “encouragement” she eats everything! She loves every vegetable but they all started out as “candy”!!!!
        I have also done the opposite of this as well…My daughter once asked why a lot of kids get Kool-Aid and she didn’t. I simply explained that I would never do anything as mean as that. Kool-Aid is nothing but mushed up bug guts. She is forever grateful that I only give her milk and nothing as disgusting as “mushed up bug guts!!” LOL!!!
        Lying can be a good thing!!

        • memyselfandkids

          October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

          Yes, it can.
          It’s cool your 7 year old is so easy to feed.

  6. patgarcia

    October 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I love your kids! You cannot put anything over on them. They are really very intelligent kids!!! I was a picky eater also. Still am in some cases. I hated fish. My mother, father and the rest of the family would sit down at the table to eat fish on Fridays, and I would refuse to eat. At first, my parents thought I would eat it later because I would be hungry. They tried it one time and decided that their nerves would hold out no longer. They bought me hot dogs. I loved hot dogs and still do eat them every now and then.

    So, I hope you can see me laughing at the cleverness of SJ. Kids are unbeatable.
    Great post. I am heading out for Italy on Monday for a week and looking forward to it.
    I look foward to reading your articles upon my return.


    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      Yes, they are tough – no wool over the eyes. I think I have to get more clever. I think they can be as headstrong as you were too.
      Have a GREAT vacation!

  7. linneann

    October 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    That is so something I would do! Too funny!

    • memyselfandkids

      October 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

      I’m glad it made you laugh. I thought it was funny too.

  8. ateachablemom

    October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Genius! We have the same kids and I will steal this idea from you tonight! Well done!

  9. elskenewman

    October 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Ha ha, great effort! Shame it didn’t work. Very succesful in making the lot of us laugh though – much appreciated 🙂

  10. jaymers

    October 13, 2012 at 3:55 am

    That is pretty cute. Your kids and my kids can grumble over what’s for dinner someday. We have “breakfast for dinner” a lot when I’m low on energy–it’s easy to get them to eat pancakes, bacon and eggs!

    • memyselfandkids

      October 14, 2012 at 3:33 am

      I’ll take the easy route. My kids are good fruit eaters, and I feel as if that makes up for other challenges.

  11. shoes

    October 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I would have spun an elaborate tale about some sort of magical chickens that lay red speckled eggs, with the red specks giving the eater super powers or something. You know, lie through my teeth to get them to try it. 🙂

    • memyselfandkids

      October 14, 2012 at 3:35 am

      Funny. You are creative. It’s not really lying – it’s all for good.

    • memyselfandkids

      October 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

      You know it!
      By the way, he has been calling it posen and has mentioned it since.

  12. brennanwrites

    October 15, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I remember it well. The only thing that helped is when they learned to cook themselves.

    • memyselfandkids

      October 15, 2012 at 2:24 am

      My older child is basically able to get his own food though it wont be healthy. He has a while to go till he is ready to cook something. The younger one is willing to pull something out of the fridge but again is nowhere near ready to cook something.
      Thanks for the note.

  13. penneyfox

    October 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    At least he took a bite. My son does this thing where he acts like he’s taking a bite but he really he’s just licking the spoon/fork. Then he gives me a face and says, don’t like it.

    • memyselfandkids

      October 18, 2012 at 12:04 am

      SJ pretty much does the same – calling it a bit is generous.


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